With no consistency to the madness I find myself posting two months since the last one. Not a lot to be said or to reveal except that I am tired and weary. So much wears on a person that is both able to be pinpointed and also by many factors that seem to remain aloof. Alas, it all weighs the same, and weighs heavy. I don't know if I have ever felt this way entirely before. Sure I have been tired before and even burdened, but to the point where I feel like I have nothing left and am on the verge of being so frustrated I am going to just pop. No not quite, close but never this close. So I sit here and I wonder how I have arrived to this point. Is it because I have tried so hard to do everything on my own over the past year? Is it the number of changes and transitions? Is it changing life, changing views, newness and the like? Is it because I am continually carrying the burdens of the past and of the future?
Questions never easily answered for me. I am looking for rest, but coming up empty not knowing where to turn or what to expect. All I know is I am at the end of myself. I need this sabbath, to recoup and hopefully be rejuvenated.
